I've been working odd hours (2-10), it's kind of thrown me off my game more than I thought it would. Instead of mornings being gloriously productive, now they're difficult and never long enough. But I only have three more weeks of this schedule. Three more weeks... and then it's September. And then I have 22 days... 22 days and then I leave for England. This is turning out to be a huge whirlwind adventure. Larger and more stressful than I ever imagined. 

Penny is still broken (I need to take her in) and I haven't had the motivation to leave or clean the house in the morning, let alone take photos. I've been trying to keep my instagram up to date. You can follow me here.

The Return

I'm here. 

I've been here all along.

There is a yearning in me,

To document, create, store, and create some more.

But my methods are broken. 

My mind has lost interest. 

A piece seems to be missing.

Recently

Lately I've been working... a lot and early in the morning. It's made my summer less about summer and more about stressing. I worry about all sorts of things, usually the normal things - money, food, the room-mate situation in my apartment (we have an open bedroom). But sometimes I worry about other things, like whether or not anyone will ever notice my work. The problem with thinking things like that is that I start to think I'm being selfish and stupid and then I look at my work and the work of others and feel like I don't really compare. Everyone around me assures me this isn't true but I'm not sure I believe them, after all they are all related to me or my friends. The truth is, I don't really know what I'm thinking anymore. I feel like it doesn't matter, when I look back on now in a few years, it won't matter that I am questioning everything about myself or that I barely make enough to pay rent and all my bills, let alone save any.

These photos are from January (?) when Rett and I went to Bend to house-sit for my parents (and make sure my little brother didn't throw a party).

Oh yes!

I would like everyone to meet Matty, my Busch Pressman Model D 4x5 camera. I got it yesterday and am slowly falling in love. Hopefully it will encourage me to take photos more and get to scanning my mountains of film.

The Return? Oh who knows if there will ever actually be one

You may notice in the next few days that the archives on this blog are going to jump back a couple of years. It's because I imported all of my posts from my old blog and will be publishing them soon-ish. In other news, it's summer so I'm too hot, getting tan (with some nice tan lines), and working... a lot. I actually am working in the morning this summer, which is awesome (my hours are consistent and gaurenteed) but also turning out to be difficult for my body to adjust to. I have two roles of black and white film sitting around, waiting to be developed and some pictures from this week to import from my digital camera. For the most part though, I haven't really been taking pictures at all. I want to, I want to go take landscapes. Despite all my feelings about wanting to be good at every type of photography, I know landscapes are what I do best and when it comes down to it, they're what I like doing the most too. I'm thinking about buying a large format camera too... oh god would I have to take pictures then! But they would be lovely... and just... ugh... I can't even find the words for it, so I leave you with this photo by Todd Hido: