The Return

I'm here. 

I've been here all along.

There is a yearning in me,

To document, create, store, and create some more.

But my methods are broken. 

My mind has lost interest. 

A piece seems to be missing.

Recently

Lately I've been working... a lot and early in the morning. It's made my summer less about summer and more about stressing. I worry about all sorts of things, usually the normal things - money, food, the room-mate situation in my apartment (we have an open bedroom). But sometimes I worry about other things, like whether or not anyone will ever notice my work. The problem with thinking things like that is that I start to think I'm being selfish and stupid and then I look at my work and the work of others and feel like I don't really compare. Everyone around me assures me this isn't true but I'm not sure I believe them, after all they are all related to me or my friends. The truth is, I don't really know what I'm thinking anymore. I feel like it doesn't matter, when I look back on now in a few years, it won't matter that I am questioning everything about myself or that I barely make enough to pay rent and all my bills, let alone save any.

These photos are from January (?) when Rett and I went to Bend to house-sit for my parents (and make sure my little brother didn't throw a party).

I hate when people say photography is an easy artform. That is an impossibility, art is never easy, it is an expression of who you are and therefore takes more courage than most people realize. Good photography evokes the feelings of the photographer in the viewer, good photography tells you something about the soul that was behind the camera when the photo was taken. Good photography is not easy, it is one of the most difficult things I do (and I happen to be teaching myself calculus right now). I simply wish that my photography actually was good, right now it simply feels decent, nothing more, nothing less.

In other news, the winter rains and chills have come back to Portland, part of me dreads it and part of me is excited to be able to continue the project this photo is from... Portland in the Rain.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just too much. Even though it's not too much.

at the center of everything are the winter snows